Thursday, March 13, 2008


Not a whole lot has been going on lately. Just the craziness of play groups and other kids coming to play and other normal daily activities. Last night was our Young Women's New Beginnings.  It was really fun. That is not what I am going to talk about though. 

I have been overly concerned about Hayden's attachment to Justin and I. I have really thought a lot about it. I have talked to everyone I come in contact with about it, it seams. I have posted our "story" on a moms web site for advice etc... I just feel that there is something more to his attachment than just separation anxiety.  I have had a lot of good advice from every one from it's just a phase and he'll grow out of it,  to , you should really see a therapist or something of that nature. I feel we have tried almost everything. I still have things I am working on with him to see if there are improvements. We have not seen a therapist, psychologist etc. I don't know if we will or even need to. There really is a lot involved. He absolutely hates nursery. He is completely terrified of it and not just cries but screams and sobs until he's shaking and so hot that he feels like he has a fever and is beet red. He has cried from the beginning but got worse as we moved to missouri. I was even in nursery with him for at least four months. That did not make a difference and it didn't stop the crying. He just does not want to even go down the hall close to that room.   If that's not bad enough, He saw his nursery teacher at a chili cook off and started to cry for home the second she walked towards us. She thinks he hates her too. She is a wonderful women with such patience and is so good with the kids and is so nice to Hayden and has given him extra attention. He can not be in a different room from us if we are the ones that leave him. He will cry. If he leaves the room or walks away from us he is fine. This happens at other places too. At anyone else's house or any place he may think we might leave him. He will cling and cry so hard! I read something about separation anxiety that does make me start to wonder even more..................    

Separation anxiety at the normal age causes no long-term harm to the child. Separation anxiety that lasts beyond age 2 may or may not be a problem depending on the extent to which it interferes with the child's development. It is normal for children to feel some fear when leaving for preschool or kindergarten. This feeling should diminish with time. Rarely, excessive fear of separations inhibits a child from attending childcare or preschool or keeps a child from playing normally with peers. This anxiety is probably abnormal (separation anxiety disorder (see Mental Health Disorders: Separation Anxiety Disorder). In this case, the parents should seek medical attention for the child.    Last full review/revision January 2007 by Elizabeth J. Palumbo, MD

It has interfered with his playing normal with peers, because he just doesn't want to play at all. There are exceptions. He loves to be outside. He always has, that is his territory no matter where we are and is happy to do whatever he likes, as long as we are outside. He will be 3 in September and should be going to primary, I just don't know what will happen.   Anyhow, I wanted to put this on here because this is part of my everyday life and has consumed almost every minute of it. It has become overwhelming at times because he is just always beside me and won't go off to play on his own. At least he does sometimes play quietly on his own beside me without his crying, like right now. 

I don't know what else we will do besides all that we have. I know we will continually get advice from friends, family and strangers which is good, that we may or may not choose to use. But, the choice is ultimately ours as his parents. 

We can just see what time does for us. 

1 comment:

rlsecor said...

I know I have told you this story - but I will tell it again because I believe it is an imperative tool as a parent...

When McCade Bruce started nursery he was this way. He cried so hard that he threw up. He was hysterical. Diane did not want him to cry and believed that he should not "have to cry it out". So she set out to figure out another way. Everything she tried failed and she was discouraged.

Finally in her desperation she knelt and prayed for help to know how to help McCade. (We all do that - why do we wait so long?)

Several weeks later as she was cleaning her house the thought came into her mind that she should take pictures and talk about them.

So, she took pictures of the teachers, the children, the room, the toys. She put one set into an album. She laminated another set and put magnets on the back.

Then she put the pictures low on the refridgerator where McCade would play with them.

Then throughout the day they would talk about what was in the picture...

Look at that ball! Or, look there is your nursery class room. Or, what color is that girls skirt?

Just casual things.

It took over a month but gradually he started to show interest in going on his own.

So, the point is, not to run out and take pictures, but to pray for guidance. Heavenly Father knows Hayden. He knows him better than you ever will in this life time. He knows his needs, his fears, what makes him tick. He can help you figure out what is right for Hayden. Whats right for Hayden might not be right for anyone else!

Keep your chin up. He is a great and very cool kid. He doesn't have to fit into a cookie cutter mold. He is cute and smart and we love him to death.

Luv you to death too little sis. I am so glad we are close now, physically and relationshiply.

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I am a SAHM with my three wonderful children. It's really a lot harder than I ever imagined but, I love being with them, learning, and growing from and with them.